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All that glitters

This week I was looking through photos for @BrightestBulb when I literally had a light bulb moment! I came across some pictures of me 12 years ago and thought “Wow, she’s much more glamorous than I am!” I wanted her figure, her face and envied her singular chin and poor excuse for bingo wings.

“You had it before…” a voice chided… “maybe you can have it again..” I thought of all the ways I could get back to that figure and face telling myself off for being so lax in the years that have passed.

I carried on through the pictures of one of many holidays at the same house in France and noticed we were with my brother and his wife and that had only happened once. I noticed Charlie was not in any of the photos and then with a sharp slap, I realised that is because he died two months before that holiday.

We were there to “get away from it all”. No wonder I was so thin, I was grieving and heartbroken. I went back to the photo to do this post and now I cannot see glamour at all, I just see really sad eyes.

We all want to be something other than the version we see of ourselves, but at what cost? Yale students studied happiness in 12,000 people over 20 years and found on a scale of 1-10 happiness was not scored higher due to the increasing materialistic aspects of one’s life. Fatter people’s happiness does not increase when they loose weight and wrinkly people don’t become happier thanks to botox, we are simply selling ourselves a story.

I constantly moan about my “floob-a-dahs” as my husband affectionately (!) calls the extra pounds of flesh gained since the picture, and I have considered ironing out my forehead. But I am happier than I have ever been and would not swap my life with that 30 something in the photo for all the tea in China. Happiness has come from a new child who arrived almost a year after this…no actually 10 months…another lightbulb! It came from flasks of tea and egg sandwiches, 40th Birthday parties, sportsdays, school plays, crazy holidays, too much wine and nice nibbles, making people laugh and wetting myself laughing at others, wrapping presents on Christmas Eve and big hugs from my family.

If 2 stone is the price I pay for all of that, then so be it…it’s a bloody bargain!