The Stories You Tell Yourself
Are your thoughts supporting you or holding you back? The stories you tell yourself can be empowering or keep you stuck. The tricky thing is that when you repeat these thoughts often enough, they stop feeling like thoughts and start feeling like facts. In this article, we look at how to change the stories you tell yourself.
In short…
- The stories you repeat to yourself shape your confidence, decisions, and opportunities.
- Many limiting beliefs come from past experiences, fear, comparison, or old conditioning.
- What are 4 questions to help challenge negative self-talk and uncover whether your thoughts are actually true?
- Limiting stories often stop people from taking action, applying for opportunities, or being visible.
- Repetition makes thoughts feel familiar, but familiarity doesn’t make them true.
- Small mindset and language shifts can create powerful changes in confidence and identity.
- Replacing harsh self-talk with supportive, balanced thoughts helps build self-trust and momentum.
- Journaling and self-awareness exercises can help uncover and rewrite unhelpful narratives.
- You don’t need to eliminate fear completely, but you can stop automatically believing every negative thought.
- It’s not the belief that is the issue, but the strength of it!
When was the last time you heard yourself say, “I’m not confident enough,” or “Other people are naturally better at this.” Or “I’m not (Insert desired strength here) enough?
These are stories you’ve repeated so many times that your brain has accepted them as part of your identity. One of the most powerful mindset tools I’ve come across for challenging these thoughts is from author and speaker Byron Katie.
It’s simple, eye-opening, and surprisingly emotional when you really sit with it, because the stories we tell ourselves shape everything:
- How we show up
- The opportunities we take
- The risks we avoid
- The life we create
Your Mind Loves a Story
Our brains are constantly trying to make sense of the world. We create stories based on past experiences, fear, rejection, embarrassment, childhood conditioning, and even the odd offhand comment someone made twenty years ago!
The problem with this is that most of us never stop to question those stories. We carry them around like invisible rules, and over time, those stories can become our limitations.
- You stop applying for opportunities because you don’t think you’re qualified enough.
- You avoid visibility because you hate attention.
- You stay small because you don’t want to fail.
Meanwhile, somebody else with less experience but a healthier internal narrative is putting themselves forward because their story sounds different.
Byron Katie’s Four Questions
Byron Katie developed a simple but powerful method designed to help people challenge stressful thoughts and beliefs.
The four questions are:
- Is it true?
- Can you absolutely know it’s true?
- How do you react when you believe that thought?
- Who would you be without that thought?
At first glance, they seem straightforward, but when you dig deep, they can completely shift your perspective.
Let’s look at an example of how this works. I want you to imagine your internal story is: “I’m not good enough to put myself forward for promotion.”
Now, let’s run it through the four questions.
Is it true?
Your first instinct might be to agree, but I want you to pause.
What evidence do you actually have? Are you really not good enough, or are you inexperienced, nervous, learning, or comparing yourself to others?
Can you absolutely know it’s true?
This is where things get interesting. Can you prove, beyond all doubt, that you are incapable of getting a promotion? Probably not!
How do you react when you believe that thought?
This makes you think about the story’s impact. You might procrastinate, overthink everything, avoid visibility, constantly compare yourself, or never take action. The thought becomes self-fulfilling because your behaviour changes in response to it.
Who would you be without that thought?
This question can feel emotional because it opens possibilities. Without the belief that you aren’t good enough, maybe you would go for the promotion, speak with more confidence, or trust yourself more. Suddenly, the thought loses some of its power.
The Stories That Keep You Stuck
In coaching conversations, I hear the same types of stories over and over again.
“I’m too old to start over.”
“I missed my chance.”
“I’m not experienced enough.”
“I need to be perfect before I begin.”
“Other people are more qualified.”
“Nobody will take me seriously.”
These stories sound convincing because they’ve been repeated for years, but that repetition only makes them familiar – not true!
Familiar thoughts can quietly shape your entire future if you don’t challenge them. The beautiful thing about self-awareness is that once you recognise a limiting story, you can start rewriting it.
It’s Not About Thinking Happy Thoughts!
Wouldn’t it be great if we could tell ourselves to think happy thoughts, and all those limiting stories and impostor phenomenon moments melted away?
Although we can’t flip a switch in our mind, we CAN choose thoughts that are more supportive, balanced, and empowering.
Instead of saying, “I’m terrible at speaking up in meetings,” maybe the new story becomes, “I’m learning to communicate more confidently.”
“I always fail,” can shift to “Every experience teaches me something valuable.”
Instead of “I’m behind everyone else and missing out on promotions,” you remind yourself that “My journey doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s.”
Small shifts in your language create powerful changes in identity.
A Simple Exercise to Try Today
Take a thought that’s been bothering you recently and journal through these prompts:
- What story am I telling myself?
- Is it definitely true?
- What evidence contradicts this belief?
- How does this story affect my behaviour?
- What might change if I stopped believing it?
- What is a more supportive thought I could choose instead?
You might be surprised by how much clarity comes from slowing down and questioning the narrative.
The stories you tell yourself matter. They influence your confidence, your decisions, your relationships, your career, your creativity, and the opportunities you allow yourself to pursue.
Learning to question your thoughts doesn’t mean you’ll never experience fear or self-doubt again, but it does mean you stop automatically accepting every thought as truth.
Ready to Rewrite the Story?
If you’re tired of feeling stuck in the same cycles of overthinking, self-doubt, or limiting beliefs, my Bounce Mindset tools and coaching sessions are designed to help you challenge unhelpful narratives and build a more confident, resilient mindset.
If you’d like support developing your mindset and understanding how to rewrite your story to show up with more clarity in your career, sign up for our monthly newsletter packed with coaching advice and tips, or book a FREE consultation call with Rebecca to learn how we can support you.
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